The Sexting Phenomenon: What’s a Parent To Do?

There is a concerning trend developing in adolescent flirting called sexting. As parents, do you know what this term means? Sexting includes sending sexually explicit photos, images, or messages via phone. Whether you want to admit it or not, teens are sending and receiving sexual messages and photos at an alarming rate. If it seems like a minor problem, think again. Six teens were recently charged in Pennsylvania as juveniles with possessing child pornography after three girls sent sexually explicit photos of themselves to three boys. On a national level, this trend has received extensive media coverage, often leaving lawmakers uncertain as to where to turn. Hopefully, this article will provide you with information regarding how widespread sexting is and how to handle it with your own kids.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy recently surveyed approximately 1300 teens and young adults regarding their sexting habits. In October of 2008, at least 39% of teens admitted to sending photos or videos, and 48% had received them. While the majority (71% of girls and 67% of boys) say their content or photos are sent to boyfriends or girlfriends, frequently the information ends up in the wrong hands. Approximately 40% of teens say they have had sexual photos via phone shared with them that were intended for someone else. Furthermore, it is relatively easy for a photo to be then posted on the internet, where the original sender has no control over it. John Shehan from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children said “Once it’s out there, they might think it’s just their classmates looking at these images, well, it’s also the dirty old men. It’s the pedophiles. It’s those that want to sexually prey on children who take these images, who collect them and spread them worldwide”.
Legally, sexting has become a challenging problem for law enforcement. In Wisconsin, sexting can result in state felony charges, including possession, distribution, and creation of child pornography. Under Wisconsin law, posting sexual photos/images of children under the age of eighteen is considered child pornography and could be prosecuted. Sending photos to anyone under eighteen is considered disseminating pornography to a minor. Clearly, there are significant ramifications for teenage sexting.

As a parent, you may be asking “Why is this happening so often?” There are several possible explanations:

Teenagers can be very insecure. Often girls send sexual messages or images in hopes of getting or keeping a boyfriend. 51%of girls say it is “pressure from guys” that prompts it. If a girl is already unsure of herself and believes guys expect such photos and texts, she’s more likely to send it. It is a form of reassurance seeking; looking for approval for certain behaviors.

As for boys, they also feel pressure from peers. According to the survey referenced, 24% of male teens say “pressure from friends” is the reason they post messages and images after they receive them. Additionally, 29% of male teens agree that girls who send such content are “expected to date or hookup”. So, it is clear that boys interpret the messages or images as a potential opportunity for a physical relationship.

Cell phones and the internet are a primary form of communication for adolescents. The fact that such messages and images are being sent should surprise no one. Often teens believe communicating this way is private, and privacy is extremely important to teens.

Consider the societal images teens are bombarded with everyday. Advertising, commercials, videos, movies and magazines are a few examples of daily encounters with sexually charged messages. We all know that sex sells, and when frequent images of sexuality are combined with the impulsivity common in teens, sexting seems like a predictable outcome.

Adolescent maturation and brain development are not usually in sync with their behavior. Their hormones and impulses are often the “gas” that moves the car, but they have no driving skills in the form of brain development. The frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for decision making and the ability to predict consequences, is not fully developed until the early 20s. Therefore, it is not reasonable to expect teens to often make sound decisions, especially when peer pressure, hormones and impulsivity are mixed in.

Lastly, some teens are lacking in adult guidance and supervision regarding their internet and cell phone use. Ideally, there should be clearly established rules and expectations regarding their use. Consequences for violations of such rules should be up to parents, should be explained to the teen, and followed through on a consistent basis if they are to be effective and the teen is to learn from his/her mistakes.

So, with all this information, what is a parent to do?

The most preventive approach is to have a few discussions before their cell phone or internet use become an option. Make it clear that you want them to have certain priveleges, but that there are conditions attached to them. Take a non-threatening, nonjudgmental approach when talking with them. Try to keep the discussion open and do far more LISTENING than talking. Ask them things like “Have you heard of sexting? What do you think about it?” or

“There have been a lot of stories in the news about sexting. What have you heard?”

Have a frank discussion about the risks and consequences of sexting. Show them news articles or talk about local media issues regarding sexting. Remind them that anything they post or send is not private. Once it’s sent, it is out of their control. It is relatively easy to take a phone photo and post it on the internet. Further, they need to know that sexting or posting can have consequences that never fully end. Potential employers, recruiters, teachers, coaches, enemies and strangers can all see the photos. Even if it’s deleted, there is no way to know who has already copied and posted it elsewhere.

Remind yourself that you want to teach them to understand something about human behavior, and that everyone who sees the photos may not have their best interest in mind. You will not be able to monitor EVERYTHING they do, but you can equip them with better decision skills.

As a parent, be knowledgable about social networking sites (MySpace, Facebook) and the numerous devices to limit access and monitor. It is reasonable for a parent to check their internet info periodically. Make sure you do this with them present. It is intended to be a teaching moment about what is acceptable to post, not a “gotcha!” moment to catch them making mistakes. If their site looks good, tell them how good it feels to trust them and remind them how good their choices are.

Don’t be a parent who denies their child makes mistakes. If a parent or student tells you they think your son or daughter is involved in concerning behavior, check it out.

Expect that your teen is often struggling between doing the right vs. wrong thing. It does not make them a bad kid. This is how they learn.

Lastly, recognize their strengths verbally. Parents (including me!) have a habit of pointing out what our kids do wrong. Teens make a lot of good choices everyday and they deserve credit for that. Teens who feel good about themselves and their relationship with their parents are far less likely to keep things from you. And healthy, open communication is what this article is all about.